Boys will be boys

I’m sure that you have heard the saying “boys will be boys”. I understand where it comes from, and I’m sure that it is used innocently enough, but I hate that saying.

You see boys will not be boys; boys will be men.

Steven Covey in Seven Habits for Highly Effective People tells us to “begin with the end in mind”. I think “boys will be boys” works against this.

I understand that people use the phrase to explain the behavior of boys. Seeing boys playing in the mud, or the tendency for anything to become a gun in play is probably an acceptable use of the phrase. Using it to sweep away rudeness, vandalism, or bullying is not!

Yes, left to themselves, boys can be rude, destructive, and bullies. It is our job to address these behaviors and teach them how to control themselves. Real men don’t do those things.

My goal for our boys is not that they be good boys. It is that they become good men. So if I don’t have the perfect 15, 11, 8 or 4 year old boy, that’s OK. I’m not working on boys. I’m working on men.

My oldest son turns 15 today, so I can brag on him a little. I think he is well on his way to becoming a good man. I am proud of where he is. I don’t claim responsibility for it; that’s God’s job. All I do is try to provide opportunities for him to grow and learn, coaching when he needs it, cry with him, laugh with him, let him deal with struggles when he needs them, and through it all love him unconditionally.

Scout Spirit

In scouting we refer to someone who lives up to the scout oath and law as having scout spirit.

On Tuesday, I attended the funeral for the wife of my friend Jim. Jim’s wife Sarah lost a long battle with cancer, and is now with our Lord. All of these events got me thinking about Jim and how good an example of scout spirit he is. Due to the situation at home, Jim was not as involved in the troop as he wanted to be, so many of the boys may not have seen this in him, but I’m sure I’m not the only one to notice.

Let me share some thoughts about Jim’s scout spirit:

The scout oath has three parts:
Duty to God
Duty to Others
Duty to Self

Jim has balanced all of these sometimes conflicting duties. He is the prime example of a devoted husband and father. He balanced caring for Sarah, the kids, and still managed to take care of himself enough to make it through. Even through it all he was a key contributor to our troop.

The scout law has twelve points:

Trustworthy – God considers him trustworthy; He entrusted Jim to care for His child Sarah, in her time of need.
Loyal – Loyal to the vows he made to Sarah to be there for her in sickness and in health
Helpful – I’m sure that Sarah would say that he was helpful to her. I know that he has been helpful to me, with sage advice when needed.
Friendly – One of the friendliest men that I know. Even in the midst of his trials, he always asks “how are you doing”, and listens like he means it.
Courteous – Jim is always courteous.
Kind – I don’t think I need to say anything here, but I will. Even on the day of Sarah’s funeral, he took the time to encourage my son who had lost the troop SPL election the night before.
Obedient – Obedient to God in caring for the people that God sent into his life.
Cheerful – In the midst of it all, he always has a smile on his face. Even when things were tough, you had to ask him to know how bad things really were.
Thrifty – I don’t know of an example of this, but I’m sure that he is.
Brave - Many men run from this trial that he faced head on.
Clean – OK, so he’s not perfect… Just kidding. Jim is clean; not just clean physically, but more importantly clean in character. He serves as an example that the boys can follow.
Reverent – Jim is one of the most reverent scouters I know. He knows the impact that ceremonies can have. He always gets choked up when he gives the Eagle charge to a new Eagle Scout. He tears up when we sing scout vespers at the close of a campfire.

By the way, Jim is an Eagle Scout, but more importantly he lives up to the title. If all Eagles followed the example of Jim, this world would be a better place.

Thank you Jim.

The Character House

This is the advisers minute that I gave to the OA Chapter on Monday night. This is one of my favorite "Scoutmaster Minutes".

Does anybody know what happened around 1910?

That’s right, that’s when the Boy Scouts of America was founded.

Another thing happened in 1910. That’s about the time that Ralph Moody moved from New Hampshire to Colorado. He was about your age then.

His family had just gotten a new horse, and he wanted real bad to drive her. His father was gone for the day, so he lied to his sister telling her that his dad wanted him to use the horse to haul railroad ties home for fire wood. When his sister told his Mother, he stuck to his story reasoning that if I’m going to get a spanking, I might as well have some fun. And besides, if I get it done, father will be proud of me and not spank me.

Well, things didn’t work out too well, and when it was almost dark Ralph decided that he had better come clean with his mother. He reasoned if she spanks me, then Father won’t, and she doesn’t spank as hard as he does.

His mother just gasped when he told her, and she made him stand with his nose in a corner until his father came home.

I’ll let Ralph tell you the rest of the story:

“Hard as Father could spank, he never hurt me so much with a stick as he did when Mother stopped talking. He cleared his throat, and then he didn’t make a sound for at least two full minutes.

When he spoke, his voice was deep and dry, and I knew that he must have been coughing a lot on the way home. “Son, there is no question but what the thing you have done today deserves severe punishment. You might have killed yourself or the
horse, but much worse than that, you have injured your own character. A man’s character is like his house. If he tears boards off his house and burns them to keep himself warm and comfortable, his house soon becomes a ruin. If he tells lies to be able to do the things he shouldn’t do but wants to, his character will soon become a ruin. A man with a ruined character is a shame on the face of the earth.”

Scouts, listen to the words of Ralph’s Father. What kind of character house do you have?